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Do these terms / definitions suit me?
2020.09.24 14:39 whoknows96Do these terms / definitions suit me?
Sorry if this a dumb question but I'm trying to do some research and I'd like to share my thoughts. I'm on the spectrum and even though I'm a virgin I'm quite into sex, porn and masturbation. Sorry this post is a little adult in parts. So currently I identify as:
I'm looking at:
Gender non conforming (not conforming to As Born As Male)
Why? Part of me wants to be feminine, dress up like a girl, have a girls body more in a sexual way. I'd like to keep my cisgender life and not alienate people plus men usually get more respected/paid better in work, etc which is wrong but I don't want to be transgender and affect work prospects.
Bicurious (or heteroflexible I'm not sure the difference)
Why? I'm a virgin but I like the idea of being a girl pleasing a guy, or being a guy that's all girly and pleasing a guy. I'd also like to have sex as a guy with a girl, mainly with me being submissive but occasionally dominant. In terms of dating I mainly think about dating a girl but I'd be willing to date a guy or NB person.
Poly / monogamous
Why? I don't if this is something to declare but I feel I'd want one romantic partner, however I'd encourage her to seek other sexual partners and want to freedom to both talk or meet other people without causing issues. I'd draw the line at multiple long term romantic relationships, for fear of feeling like the second or third boyfriend etc. (Maybe there's a better term for this, I'd definitely encourage cuckold play etc.) Do you think I'm on the right track or if there's a community I should explore, terms I should look up, steps I should take to find out who I'm into. In terms of going out there and meeting people to rule things out - a) coronavirus, b) I'm not that great at dating and idk why but I don't get much interest online or in person. Excited to hear what people's thoughts are.
(27F) Okay so I've been questioning my sexuality for a few years now. Essentially, I'm not sure if I'm bisexual or just straight/bicurious. I realize that trying to apply a label to myself may be moot given the fluidity of sexuality, but I'd like advice anyway. Here are some facts:
I've only ever dated/slept with cis men.
I grew up in a pretty traditional/conservative household and had a really hard time becoming comfortable with sex in general. I had to consciously teach myself to enjoy sex and carefully pick partners who I felt would be able to bring me out of my shell. Now, I'm pretty sex-positive and perhaps that's why I've now ventured into questioning my sexuality in general.
I've been watching lesbian porn almost exclusively since I was 15. Similarly, I fantasize about being with women almost ever time I climax during sex. When I was younger I never thought much about this because girl-on-girl action had been so fetishized in the media, but now I'm not so sure.
I don't think I've ever had a romantic crush on a girl but I might be sexually attracted to certain ones (Soo, bisexual heteroromantic?). I've had maybe two female friends and that I've thought "hmm maybe I want to make out with them" (not in an attention seeking way, I wanted to do it in private). I did end up making out with my female friend a few months ago and I think I liked it but I also got psyched out because i didn't know what to do after a certain point (she is similarly bicurious/confused and neither of us are sure how to proceed in a same-sex encounter)
I tend to be attracted to personality over physical characteristics so maybe the personality types I'm attracted to are just more common in men.
All my life I've identified as straight and I think I'm worried that even if I'm "bisexual" that I would be afraid to use that label because I don't think I would ever romantically date a woman. I would feel like a poser.
Soo any thoughts or common experiences to share? Should I stop worrying so much about the label? Any tips for how to figure it out?
2020.09.19 11:53 PrimalStagI'm a bicurious husband  who wants to share his wife , but I keep second guessing the path we're on! Fuck!
I was in an open relationship before my wife and it ended after morphing from casual openness into an unrecognizable polyamory. The woman would change rules on the fly. She'd hide things. She wouldn't share or involve me. I was paranoid. It was gutwrenching. I eventually started meeting girls just to get out of the house while she was out so I wouldn't be sick to my stomach. But, by the end, I was a pro and felt compersion, and was starting to hit my open stride. But it ended anyway. I became secondary and, at the end, was needing to literally schedule time with her in her day planner and she stopped sleeping at our home. Now I'm married to the love of my life. I'm a masculine bicurious stag husband to a new hotwife. She's enjoying the confidence, attention and possibilities. We want to have MMF threesomes and let her explore her sexuality solo, too. Especially while travelling. I'm a bit of a voyeur and get off on her getting off, so letting her play alone might have benefits for both of us. But the changing feelings and polyamory scare me. I don't completely trust that anyone knows how they'll feel. I only trust myself. I know I can separate a sexual friendship. I know that, for me, if I slept with a woman I was reAlly attracted to that it wouldn't take away from my wife. And I know that for me love is a choice! But it's an unproven for her and I fear that she won't be able to step back from a guy without resenting me. My past trauma tells me she'll ask for rules to change, or will go stay with a guy when we have a fight. It would devastate me. And I don't want to share her beyond her being a FWB. I want the guy to be a random hookup, or happily married and open with his partner. A guy who understands and respects our dynamic. The sexual parts all turn me on and I think I've done all the troubleshooting from my last relationship (rules, ideas, mindset, communication), but am I setting us up for failure by encouraging it? I mean her flirting and sexting online adds a lot to our relationship, but how will she deal with real experiences? I have a recurring dream that we fight and she loves someone else, then blames me because it was "my idea." Nothing in my life has turned out how I needed or wanted and I'm just doubtful that anything will work out at this point, but trying to remind myself she's different. And I'm different. And that we're evolved. That we're lifelong teammates. I want her forever and she seems okay with the idea that if we ever aren't together we'll be friends and will just be supportive. I never got married to think about that. I'm not considering it. I feel like I love her so much that if we weren't together I'd hate her. I'd feel so betrayed that I'd disappear. I feel like it would take something so hurtful to break us this love that I'd never forgive. If I wanted to be polyamorous I would have a primary girlfriend. Not a wife. I personally can't do it. Are people capable of having adult sexual relationships? Is the grass always greener? What if he has more money, a better body, a bigger dick, and all she knows is the fun they have without any of the real life stuff like property taxes? Nobody I see is happy. The monogamous one's go downhill and the poly ones break apart and recycle each other. But I'm scared I'm insane for trying this again. Last time nothing was my choice. This time I'm the one who brought it up thinking I could make it work. Oh and the bicurious thing, it evolved from wanting fluid threesomes. I don't plan on seeing other women until she brings it up because I wanted this to be about her growth instead of having to deal with the emotions of sharing. Also it's hard to not think about her and I'm enjoying that part a lot. But at what point does her giving compliments to another guy and doing things with him that we don't do .... at what point does that kill me? At what point do I need a compliment? At what point do I want to hear her say even just once that she wants to suck my cock when she's telling someone else that every other day? That's when I feel I'll start looking for outside fulfillment to counteract her lack of presence. I'm worried I'll feel unattractive. That I'm only a male body to take her energy for someone else out on. Why do I want excitement I can't trust? Probably because the only thing worse is a dead mono bedroom where she's always tired and and nothing I can do or say can get her going because I'm too familiar.
2020.09.11 23:40 trainwreckjI’m (22f) curious about experimenting with a friend (22f) but also really confused about the implications
Okay so this post probably goes under both advice and questioning bc this whole thing is a mess but here goes: For quite some time I’ve been curious about experimenting with a friend of mine who I’ve been friends with since elementary school. The main reason for this being that I’ve never kissed/done stuff with a girl and I’m super curious about it and for some reason I always fantasize about doing it with this specific friend only. When I think about it I get genuinely rly excited/heart starts beating faster but I also don’t think I have a crush on this friend? But it’s weird bc I’ve kind of always found her more attractive than my other friends and at parties etc. I’ve secretly wished we’d share a kiss. I also have a distinct memory of when we were in middle school and I hadn’t had my first kiss yet and somehow it became a topic of conversation and she (jokingly or seriously? i cant tell) said that she could be my first kiss if i felt insecure about it like she offered to kiss me. At the time I said no though because I felt like she was saying it out of pity + I didnt want people to think I’m into girls (🙄) Despite this she’s straight and is currently in a relationship and I’m straight to my friends as well and have never told them about being bicurious before which I have been for a few years now. The thing that is most confusing about my sexuality is that I’ve always felt like I cannot be romantically attracted to a girl/can’t imagine myself in a relationship with a woman. And yet despite this I had a thing for a girl online a couple years back where I was very much at least //attached// to her. Since then I haven’t really felt attracted to women in a LONG time though? I just came out of a one year relationship with a guy (that was pretty toxic and disappointing) and now all of a sudden I’m ready to experiment with girls again. One reason I might also want to do this with my friend other than finding her the most attractive out of my friend group is because I feel bad about going on lesbian/bi dating apps if that would mean I might just end up hurting a person who’s genuinely into me and I can’t feel the same way back. I’ve been super paranoid about being ”a fake bi” or just a straight girl who wants attention so I haven’t really pursued this further and also like I said I had a time period where I didn’t feel attracted to women for a long time. So i guess what I’m asking is if you guys have ever had this kind of feeling about a friend and does that mean I have a crush on her or could I just be attracted to her without romantic feelings? I genuinely can’t imagine wanting to ever date her but I’m really into the idea of kissing her for some reason. Also what do you make of my sexuality? Am I still straight because I cant imagine dating women (at least not generally but like I said I had an online thing where I was thinking of the possibility of dating too but that was the only one time that’s ever happened)? (Also wanna add for clarification that I obviously respect my friend’s current relationship: kissing girlfriends is not a problem bc she has done it before with others WITH her partner’s consent! Further stuff I’m not sure about so I obviously wouldn’t go there as well as I have no idea how she would feel about any of this and I’m nervous about how to approach this whole thing anyway so idk maybe i’m weird for even thinking about this)
My girlfriend and I have talked a lot about our fantasies and the idea of swinging has come up more than once. She's bi and I'm very bicurious and we both enjoy the idea of seeing the other with partners of the same or opposite sex. I'm starting to get more curious as to how we can make this happen sometime in the future if we decide to take the plunge. We live in a very conservative area in North Carolina and we're also both very private and unsure how to meet couple or find groups/parties to explore this. Ideally what we'd like is something like a masked party where we can remain somewhat anonymous while we play. This may be just a fantasy that we're talking about, but I have to wonder if it can be made real.
2020.09.10 03:39 PumpkinMeanLet's talk about how I'd love to just be happily gay ever after, but it's so damn hard?
Okay.... I don't even know exactly what I want to say, but it's about heteronormativity, and stupid women, but I've had a lot of feelings brewing in me lately, and I need some queer sisterhood... or something.So, I tend to say that I am bisexual, but homoromantic, which, you know, makes me 2/3 gaaaaaaaaaay.I am not disgusted by men, I sometimes find them physically attractive, and if they're not patriarchally moulded asshats I can see beautiful humanity in them, but overall it just doesn't spark anything beyond friend feelings. So if I imagine a long term partner I'd ten times rather have it be a lady. Or used to up until now.I write that as a disclaimer because I am about to complain about queer women who opt for men, not because I think that's wrong, but because I think it makes it so damn hard. I don't even believe there are real womenloving women out there anymore, or at least not those who aren't then very identified with their sexual orientation. It seems there's always a whistful heteronormative wish lurking somewhere. Two of my relationships with women ḿore or less ended in large part because of those gf's compulsively heterosexual wishes for a regular life with husband and kids, no doubt shaped by more conservative cultures than the ones prevalent on reddit. Another one was impacted by just not wanting to be too out, arguably heteronormativity's fault as well somewhat..But I get it, I do. it's so much easier. A few months back I met a girl at the park. The first time we met was in a funny way, after a while I realised, hey, she is still talking to me! And then she literally ran after me to ask for my number. She is relatively new in town, so looking for new people.I met her a few more times over the summer, and I was well aware she likely had a light crush on me or just my gaydarping really,because I think she is having a bit of an identity crisis. Because for all the lesbian cultural things she talked about, and what she did at pride, and her ex girlfriends family's cooking , and the touching, and the looks, and how she enthusiastically related our meet-cute out of nowhere to friends, she also has a boyfriend.I was pretty horrible and didn't take any of her ever increasing lesbian bait, because I am so done with women. Especially those with boyfriends. No matter their arrangements.And luckily I am just finally wise enough not to run into heartbreak, becuase fuck is she cute. And i also know that that's why i didn't just gay back. Then that would have been in the air. So, in an attempt to distract myself from my very "Much Ado About Nothing" rising crush on her, I tried online dating. With nothing to show for - unless I flick the switch over to men. Then i have a slew of willing, nice enough seeming humans willing to date. whereas women there seem to be either actually into men, on a trip of self-discovery with bicuriousness, or fivethousand kilometres away. and if you subtract the ones that are just not for me, you're at the end of swiping really fast. And I do live in a major city, oh, and they barely ever like me back. I am tired of being queer and alone. If i have to suffer through being marginalised and weird and ever the odd one out, it'd be great if it came with some compensatory kisses and cuddles and general life support. BUt it doesn't. But at the same time I want to scream at dogpark lady's face YOU DON'T GET TO DWELL IN GAY CULTURE with your perfect little hetero coupledom, so shut up, I am not here to be your lesbian second fiddle or validating lesbro. Like it makes me weirdly angry deep inside.And yeah I know bisexuality does not fall away when you're with someone. And I also know it feels peculiarly free and freeing to be queer, and not just in the sexual sense, and the feeling was just reconfirmed through that mirror of her yearning for that part of her, if that makes sense. i know the wish for just wanting to get a break and do the normal thing. BUt also to get to feel your feelings. It seems so much more possible to just take a heteronormative bow to not end up alone forever. Romance is overrated.Women tend to enthrall me body and soul, it's love, you know - and men? It's like I retain control. And that in itself is a lure. I am not sure I can take another broken heart, or that i necessarily believe a relationship built on romantic love would be any better than one built on a friendship. Quite the contrary maybe. Anyway, I guess some of you here were at " I am done with women!" before, or maybe you also feel that way now. Or maybe you can explain to me why I shouldn't hand back in my active membership, and enjoy an alumna status. I just don't believe women mean it, anymore. The pressure is on, we all know that and that just makes it even harder. There's all the usual problems, plus societal pressure, plus internalised homophobia, plus a smaller selection..... you know all of it.I don't have any lesbian friends, just gay male ones to touch on this aspect of myself, my two or three closest friends do know and are very supportive of my women loving ways, but I just feel there's nothing connecting me to being into women, other than online communities and appreciating lesbian media. That's it. nothing much will be missing from my life, because i don't, for tthe most part, get to enjoy the fulfilment of those desires anyway. other than some longing and yearning. I went to an lgbtq protest the other day, because some right wingers did some homphobic shit and it seemed important to show up , but while personally i felt happy to be there, i also felt so disconnected from most people there.I have a 1/3 chance to make a "choice" . But my heart is sad about it, while my brain says yes, it's better. Que sera sera, sure, and if tomorrow I crash into the marvel of a cute, spirited, confirmed lesbian, but chill about it, who'll have me even, les jeux sont faites! - but being queer is too stressful to run willingly into it.Dating for friends seems much easier. So yeah that's it. Tl;dr: I'm so done with women. Shouldn't I be? Or maybe I need to go somewhere else
2020.09.10 00:44 stupidslut6969The surprising way that I beat this addiction and got back to my normal self
Like many of the people here, I struggled with an addiction to sissification porn. I'm sure you all know the beginning of the story well enough: A taste for kinky porn, femdom shit and eventually crossdressing got me deep into a sissy fetish that seemed impossible to break. I wont spend too much time detailing the obsessive cycle of being turned on, giving in, hating myself for it, low self esteem eventually bringing me back and pulling me deeper and deeper, etc. You all know about that stuff already I assume. I will mention just for the sake of thoroughness and because it seems relevant that I was sexually abused by a man when I was 13 and it left a submissive, self loathing imprint on me. I was never popular with girls but the ones I did hook up with I explored my sexuality fully with them and had multiple girls in my life who would encourage bicurious and submissive behavior in bed and validate those behaviors intensely. In addition to this, my first few times having sex with girls were awful. The first time it was painful and I couldn't finish, the second time was a one night stand with a really hot girl and I was too anxious/nervous/drunk/high to stay hard, and my next few times were with a girl way below my league in terms of looks who I had no personal attraction to. I was fully ready and primed for this shit by the time I found /sissyhypno in my freshman year of college. My use of marijuana amplified the effects of this content and by the end of my junior year I was at a breaking point. Having failed yet again to start a meaningful relationship with a girl I liked, I was again relapsing despite having an awesome new girl in my life who I loved talking to, was attracted to, and could see myself with and she felt the same way about me. I felt I could not allow this fetish any more rent free living in my head to continue ruining my chances of ever finding a real relationship or loving myself as a happy, confident man. It was while thinking about this and still obsessively browsing sissy porn with a butt plug in, panties on, etc. that I stumbled upon a video much like many others out there. I wont give too many details on it because I don't want to advertise it, like I don't really want anyone to watch it because it's nothing you haven't seen before or anything that will really help you break free of this cycle. It was essentially a POV femdom clip of a beautiful mistress commanding you to go out into the world and perform fellatio on a dick. Calling you a sissy, demanding that you suck a dick for her, that it will turn you into the cocksuckesissy you were always meant to be, blah blah blah shit youve heard a thousand times etc. But for some reason, this one really cut through the weed and porn induced fog and I realized just how easy it would be to try sucking a dick if I was really that curious about it. As I mentioned earlier, i was raped at 13 by a man so I had sucked a dick before I ever found sissy porn. But I had always convinced myself that that was a fucked up scenario and I didnt have a fair chance to enjoy it because it was so far from the ideal way to try it out. I had always wondered deep down if I would actually love it were I to try again. Things were getting more serious with this girl who I really liked a lot, so I felt I had to go do this before I got too serious with her as it wouldn't be fair to have these thoughts, desires, and insecurities that I would never feel confident talking to her about or having while we were together. If I liked it, then I could know for sure that I was bi/gay and truly liked dick, and work based on that information. But if I didn't, then I would know in real terms that it was porn and my own fetishization of fantasy at play and not my true orientation. So I downloaded grindr and within 3 hours I was meeting up with a transgender woman in my neighborhood. A crossdressing drag queen with dominant tendencies who knew of my bicuriosity and desire to explore crossdressing and feminization and gay sex in a safe environment. I chose a trans girl because I figured if I am gonna do this right, i might as well take the smallest, safest, straightest baby step into it possible. Sucking a girls dick is less gay than a guys dick, I needed to confront the reality of being a trans girl head on, etc. I went on a date with her, got to know her, got to see the work that she puts in to look feminine, oh and also before any of that I immediately sucked her cock and took a load of her cum to the face. I had her take pictures of me doing it, so I could look at them later and not repress what I was doing. I wanted to fully live out the fantasy and live with it to see how it sat in real life. And guess what: It wasn't the worst thing ever. It didn't make me push back too hard and decide cocks were gross or being trans is a mental illness or feel any shame. Because it also wasnt the best thing ever. I didn't feel anything towards the experience one way or the other. It was meaningless dick sucking and exploration of what it meant to be trans. I didn't force myself into any opinion on it. And at the end of all of it, I realized a few things. Firstly, that I don't have what it takes to be trans. Voice training, makeup, girls clothes and outfit planning, living with a trans identity and the life changes that it would bring. None of it seemed appealing to me anymore because in the context of meeting new people or facing new experiences, I feel male. I feel comfortable wearing my own boy clothes, I feel comfortable with no makeup and with a deep male voice and facial hair and a male body and everything. I don't really feel any desire to go through all the work that real trans people do every day to be seen as their true selves. If that was my true self as well, I think I would leap at the opportunity to do all of that. Second thing I realized is that I have no particular love for sucking dick. It didnt make me feel like a sissy or that my masculinity was being purged or that it was my one true mission in life. What I felt was that there was an erect human penis in my mouth and I was doing my best to make it cum because I felt obligated to. but the emotion, the arousal, and the purpose that I feel from giving women head was absent because I was acting out a role, but not my own true desires. I couldnt lie to myself about how amazing it is to suck cock when I was doing it and didnt enjoy it. The third thing I realized is that during this entire experience I would be far happier, more aroused, more in love, more confident and everything, if I was the one in charge. My attraction to sexual submission disappeared because while I was sucking her dick and getting a cum facial, I kept thinking wow Im honestly bored like I wish I could be doing whatever I want to right now. I like being in charge in bed generally, which is not something I thought i enjoyed. I like deciding when to kiss or when to touch and where or what my partner does or what I will do. I prefer it by a mile. With these realizations, the chains of my sissification fetish totally evaporated and I felt free for the first time in years. The one thought I kept having was "I won. I finally won. I won and this shit cant touch me or hurt me ever again." Confronting my obsession head on(no pun intended) was the one thing that could break it. Within weeks, I was officially dating my now girlfriend. Sex with her is the easiest, hottest thing in the world and Ive never had any issues with her. I can discuss what I wanna do with her openly and feel totally comfortable and turned on by vanilla straight male dominated sex. I dont think about sissy stuff on a daily basis anymore, it doesnt haunt me, and it cant hurt me. TLDR: I broke my addiction to sissy porn by sucking a real life dick and realizing I actually love being a straight dude and have no problem doing it forever.
This is my first posting and admission of my bi-ness in any way. In fact, I am not one hundred percent sure why I feel compelled to share this or what I hope to get from it but here goes. I am male and have been with my current partnewife/best friend for 34 years. I have always been attracted to women and have considered myself straight, live a straight life, have two adult children, and live a very happy and comfortable life. About 10 years ago I began fantasizing about having sex with men. I will spare the details. I would go through periods of time for a week or two where I was consumed by the thought of playing with a man, touching, feeling, sharing each other, etc. Two years ago I acted on my fantasy and found another man of my own age with similar wants and needs. Although I am ashamed of cheating on my spouse the interaction I had was amazing! Over a year period I was able to act out my fantasy 4-5 times. The reality of these sessions easily exceeded my expectations. After each time I had a wide range of emotions from ecstasy, fear of being caught, relief for not getting caught and guilt from cheating. Last year I made a commitment to not pursue and act on these desires and to be faithful to my spouse. I will not break that commitment but I recognize that there is a bit of grieving associated with the “loss” of that wonderful outlet. I had previously labeled my infatuation with the male penis as “bicurious”. So here I am acknowledging that it is way more than curious. I am bisexual. I still go through periods of wanting to share myself with a man but am resigned that I can’t act on these feelings. I know that my spouse would not be open to sharing me in any way with another person and that our relationship and sex life is better without that distraction. Through this process I have developed a deeper appreciation for other’s sexual preferences and lifestyle choices. I am no longer judgmental but often a little envious! Thank you for listening to my ramblings.
2020.09.09 07:17 Crazypop92828 F Taken girl looking for a strictly online chat buddy
EDIT: This post is closed for now. I have a lot of replies I am yet to respond to so I won't be accepting any more DMs to be fair for the people who have already messaged me. For the ones who messaged me, I will try my best to give a reply to everyone although it might take some time. Thanks for the love guys! I have been on Reddit for a few years and over the course of this period (4 years), my life has transformed a lot. Reddit was a destination for venting off my sexual frustation and indulge in creative RPs in the sexual fantasy land. I went from that shy and under confident woman to what I am today, fairly comfortable with idea of participating in sex and discussing about it. I was inactive on Reddit since my relationship until the pandemic happened. I am back to my Reddit life because me and my bf are physically separated What am I looking for - Discussing about the sexual fantasies both of us have and feel sexually empowered - Roleplaying interesting scenarios - Simply making each other cum - Discussing slutty costumes and how a Saree can get both the wearer and the viewer turned on - Discussing about our sex lives in details if required - Nerdy and philosophical stuff when we are bored - I don't discriminate based on age (i might have a recently developed inclination towards younger guys but you don't have to fake your age) and where you are from ( I am a south Indian myself btw) - Women are open to DM me too. All the above points are valid for women as well, it could be strictly platonic or maybe not (I am kinda bicurious) A few ground rules i have set for my online interactions: - Please don't ask for picture or any sort of personal information. Whatever happens in Reddit stays in Reddit - Please don't take the liberty of humiliating me (or my bf) without asking. I get that it can be a turn on sometimes but I really don't appreciate it - Be nice and respectful. I promise I will return the same favour - Please don't be obsessive/possessive. I have a hectic work life and I can't find a lot of time. Don't think of our discussions as a privilege. - I am not looking for a romantic partner. I am already in a serious relationship so please refrain from keeping up hopes about dating me or something I do agree that this is not the best post I have written. Honestly I don't want to write it any better for the fear of my exploding. If you have read till the end please include 'DK' in your message title or body I will try my best to reply to everyone but only if you DM. Reddit chat requests, I am gonna be overlooking for now
2020.09.07 23:51 VioletteDupondMy Partner Calls Me “Mostly Straight” and I Hate It
I guess this is venting or something. Title pretty well sums it up: my partner (M) tells me (F) that I’m “basically straight” or “just bicurious” a lot and I am not. We’ve been together on and off since high school (mid-twenties now) and during the off periods I’ve dated both men and women, although mostly men. He’s also bisexual and he’s been saying these things the entire decade we’ve been a thing. I know I don’t correct him as much as I should and that’s on me but I have made some comments about it bothering me. I already have some imposter syndrome-y issues with being bi and I can’t help but wonder if he’s right, which is silly, I know. There’s just some dumb thing in my brain that figures since he has had more same sex partners than I have that he’s some authority on being bi.
2020.09.05 04:46 fartthrowaway6969i’ve just recently started to wonder if i’m demi. can you all help me understand this a little better
Hi so I’ve just recently started to consider that I might be demisexual. After the last few years thinking of myself as bicurious I’ve started wondering if my attraction to people is actually sexual at all or purely aesthetic. The reason I feel this way is because 1 my sexual drive and everything is definitely at least significantly lower than a lot of my friends just based on conversations we’ve had and 2 the few times i have had sex i felt incredibly uncomfortable while having sex despite being attracted to everyone i’ve been with. i do however enjoy cuddling and was very sexually attracted to my first and only partner from HS who i actually never had sex with! I’m not sure if this is demisexuality or just a low sex drive. sorry for posting if it’s annoying to see “am i demi?” when there’s already a great tagged post to look through.
2020.09.04 18:35 workingonit84Coming to terms at 36
It's been a strange road trying to figure out my sexuality. For a vast majority of my life I've identified as straight and haven't been interested in other guys. I'm open minded enough to ask myself the question and the answer had always been no, but in the past couple of years it's gone from maybe to yes. I've never been with a guy before and I honestly don't know how I would even feel about being in any kind of relationship with one, but sexually, just sexually, the idea excites me. I've had more and more fantasies lately about it and at one point a little over a year ago briefly considered taking the plunge and getting on Grindr, but decided against it because I was going through a divorce and I didn't feel like I was in the healthiest place for something like that. Now I'm engaged to the woman I refer to as "the one I should have married" and have never been happier. A few months ago she brought up the idea of pegging, and while I fully understand that there's nothing "gay" about that kind of thing, it did kinda flip a switch for me. When we tried it I found out that I really enjoy being the bottom and it makes me even more curious what it would be like to be with a man. I talked with my fiancee about it and told her my thoughts and fantasies and she loves that I can be open and honest with her and might be interested in exploring this together at some point in the future. It feels so good to have a partner that I can talk to and be honest with about all of this because I'm still figuring it out. I'm not in any huge hurry to explore this part of myself, but it's all so new and exciting right now. I don't know if or when I'll ever open up to more of my family and friends about it because honestly I see it as none of their business and don't feel like I'm hiding anything. So I don't know, maybe I'm bisexual, bicurious, heteroflexible, or something else. I don't know what term would even fit me or if I need one. I'm evolving and growing and it feels good.
So, I am a 26 year female. I have always thought of myself as a heterosexual woman. I had a very southern upbringing and was in church most of my young life. As I became a teen, we stopped going to church but I was still taught women and men belong together, period. I never questioned this and had boyfriends and boy crushes. I always thought some girls were particularly pretty and I'd find myself admiring them and thinking of them frequently. I just thought this was normal behavior. As I said before I have had a few male partners but really have only enjoyed s*x with a couple of them some of the time. Also, I just thought this was normal. My current partner, whom I love very very dearly, also doesn't "do it" for me. I figured as we grew as a couple it would get better but we have been together 6 years and have a child... I have had a handful of really enjoyable sessions with him this whole time. I don't think I could ever tell him this though. Now that I am older and have been more exposed to the world I feel like I find myself thinking about women more and more. Womem together is much more "exciting" for me than hetero if you know what I mean. I have found myself over the last couple years questioning if I am a asexual or even bisexual. Bicurious? I really don't know. Has anyone else struggled with their sexuality in their 20's? I feel like I should have this figured out by now but I find myself more confused the more I think about it. Any experience or advice would be greatly appreciated. Sorry for the long post. TL;DR I am a sexually confused 24 year old women looking for similar experiences and/or advice
2020.08.22 03:22 Alyssa_HargreavesTW: I am who I am
(the: phobias in general talks of past sexual assault/rape abusive relationships etc) So this is my first post on this sort of subreddits. Mostly it's Been on like discord I've talked about this and I added a Two cause sadly many people in my life are homophobic. Scratch that. Phobic In general and they suck. So badly. But anyways. I've struggled for years with my sexual identity because it was never really talked about and by the time I got to the age where it was openly talked about I was very confused then. Then the whole phobic stuff started. (this is where the Taw starts for phobia) I told dad I was bisexual and at once he demanded I talk to my gay cousins (they grew up in the time where being LBGTQ at all could get you killed) but he did so because he thought it was a phase. apparently if people from our area come out as LBTQA+ as a "phase" or that everyone was gay or lesbian and that pushed me farther from really coming out . And then I got the typical "you can't be bisexual you've never been with a woman" "how do you know. You never dated a woman" from people I thought I could trust. They told me the most I could be was bicurious. But they don't know me for me. And now that I'm older (I tried to come out at about 16 I'm now 26) I have better remarks than "okay" because again back then education about LBTQA wasn't as readily available in my high school. We got bare minimum. Now I can be straight up honest and be a excuse my language straight up bitch and say "how do you know your straight? Have you been with a guy?" "How do you know you are what you say? Have you explored your orientation" things I'd never really want to say because those things can be just as harmful and hurtful. Because you may say that to someone who doesn't know! They could be pansexual or ace or aro like their are so many things someone could be that isn't the typical "hetrosexual" orientation. Like it's just mean to attack someone like that. And now at 26 I shouldn't be afraid to come out and say I am Bisexual so what. But I am. Because no I've never had sexual relations with a woman no I've never kissed a woman and I don't feel comfortable trying to date the same gender because I don't feel safe in the town I'm in. And dad has no filter (he's a narcissist and was biphobic growing up and makes jokes about how being gay is only acceptable if it's two women stuff like that. Horrid stuff and he gets reamed by me when I hear it) so I don't feel safe dating a woman. But I know what I feel. I am sexually attracted to women and men and just like how I am with men I have certain things that I'm not into sexually that I wouldn't do with a woman. It happens. Everyone has things sexually they aren't into no matter the gender. That's how I am. But the major reason I'm afraid to just say I'm bisexual who cares is because I was raped. Multiple times by my former partner. He was my now ex fiance and he took advantage of me whenever he felt like it when I was asleep. Their was no prior conversation where consent was gained. We had no heart to heart where he said "I have this kink or this fetish" I gave no consent and all he had to do was wake me up and he'd get what he wanted the entire relationship was unhealthy. I admit that. He's long gone I hope. And no I didnt report it because I was to scared and to deep in denial to accept that he raped me but I am afraid that people will pull the whole "your only saying your gay because you had a bad relationship." Or "your saying your gay because you were raped/assaulted" and it's not true. I was feeling sexually attracted to women before I even got with my ex before the assaults happened etc. Its who I am. And to end this I know it's weighing on me. It gets to me at times because I'm hiding a part of me. I'm more than just an Ally. I am apart of the LBGTQA+ community I am Bisexual and it should NOT define who i am. The treatment the community gets from religious assholes is part of the reason I left religion (dabbing into paganism but very lightly cause nature mostly) but it still scares me. I want to come out I want to say this is who I am. I want to be able to wear my pride merch without a worry. I mean for the first time I'm wearing a pride necklace! I buy cute bags and such for pride but I always worry about showing it. It sucks so bad! Being bi or gay or ace aro or whatever you are shouldn't define you and we shouldn't be afraid to "come out". I just don't know what to do or feel. I am who I am but I'm afraid people will use my past to claim otherwise. I have a therapist and I am going to talk to her about this. I haven't told her about how deep my feelings have been lately on this. Its a matter of "if I shove it deep enough maybe it'll go away" in my mind so I don't talk about it more than being curious. I'm gonna try to be straight up with her (luckily she doesn't give a fuck what someone is. As long as your safe and doing the right things she doesn't care who your attracted to. She's even okay with me using medical MJ when I get my card etc) I just...I don't know how to handle this how to let myself be okay with how I feel and who I like maybe love. Its just I know it's a lot and thank you all for letting me talk on here it means so much having a safe place in addition to my therapist to talk about this.
2020.08.08 03:05 X-Change-Pill26 [M4M] First Timer, Curious About Bottoming
I've never done anything with a guy but I'd consider myself bicurious and recently I've grown more interested in the idea of exploring it. But as much as I'm into the 'fantasy' of it all, it's going to be a slow process getting from 0 experience to bottoming for someone, so I need you to be patient and undestanding! I'd like to start by just chatting with a guy - maybe flirt and sext (not immediately, after we're comfortable) - and potentially find someone I'm comfortable enough to meet irl. In terms of body - I'm slender and twinkish but toned and well-endowed. I've obviously never fucked a guy so I can't claim anything definitively, but I've roleplayed and sexted with them before and generally, I love pleasuring my partner and having passionate, intense, wild sex. I'm almost certainly a bottom and my favourite position would be anal missionary I reckon - love the idea of a top pounding me while we're making out and I'm bent in half or I've got my legs wrapped around him. Absolutely love being rimmed as well so that's a thing. I think I have a preference for muscular, well-built/toned guys (sorry if wanting the buff guy is a cliche!) and particularly older men but I'm open to anyone who's decently in shape and most importantly, kind and understanding!
I’m bicurious. I have recently decided that I need to have sex with a woman. I’m pretty and a professional (I know.. they all say that). I have a male partner that I care very much about. If we hit it off first, maybe you would join us? Send me a message. Pic exchange. I’m on kik. Brianna88807 I can’t wait to hear from you! Women only!
2020.07.18 15:59 TheseusX1[M4M] I want to experiment with dating a normal, masculine guy
I am looking to try very slowly dating a normal, masculine guy. I would consider myself curious, with only a few very minor physical encounters, but have for years been put off from trying dating by the overly categorical nature of men looking for other men. Feels like either people are full culture, full pride gay or married and looking for a hook up. I cast no judgement on either of those, have at it and be you, but just not what I am looking for. I want to find a normal guy, bi or bicurious, inexperienced with men like myself to just chat and see where things go. I should reiterate, I am not looking for a guide, I want someone also exploring. For me, exploration is more fun with shared discovery then with a tour guide. I am not against those in relationships or married, but only if you are in an open situation and your partner knows. I consider myself slightly bisexual, leaning toward women. Note, NOT bi as a phase, I have no qualms sharing that exact self definition with people I meet and am not easing my way out of the closet. That's 100% who I am. I am 40 years but fit, active, and attracted with a lean body and a light muscle. I am looking for someone I feel attracted to and is within a reasonable range of my age. Since I know its important, physically I am probably a pure bottom, if I had to guess. Thanks for reading all that! Hope to hear from interested guys.
2020.07.18 10:23 Woozle_sketchesI'm a heartbreak... help?
I'm 22(f -bi) and good at building people up. My experience is that guys do not feed their ego well enough and women don't get to feel understood enough, and I'm good at comforting others, listening, telling stories, I'm funny and exceptionally good at making people feel understood and appreciated, love making and getting compliments. I'm not too pretty or anything but always in a good mood and something about me comforts others enough so they want to open up to me. Also something makes me seem like I'd be a good fit for a partner I guess. I'm bubbly and happy and always have the worst luck in love. I've had 3 serious relationships fail bc the guys stopped trying and in the end stopped loving me and took me for granted, so I decided to stay single for as long as possible. I'm single since April. So far there are: 4 guy friends who have pretty much confessed to be in love with me 2 others who think back at the time we first met and tell me they are still thinking about me and what would have happened if we'd started dating back then at least 1 person (my record is 3) has tried to kiss me at every party I've been to and drunks have confessed their love/affection 3 girls have hinted that they are bicurious 2 girls want to go on a date and tell me how much they've enjoyed their time with me. I even had a one night stand tell me he's so into me/he has such a crush on me - in bed! - so often until I felt like riding a squicky toy or one of those toys that can talk... .-. I tell them all that they have to be very careful with their heart, since I get too many to hold all by myself and they smile and I can tell that most of them don't understand that I'm trying to caution them that I'm a heartbreak. I don't want to cause anyone pain and frankly... I'm already exhausted and remember why I love to be in a relationship.... help? Anyone's got an idea to, I don't know... dial this down? Is this normal when you're a young woman? Tl;dr I'm a heartbreak and don't want to be one / don't want to hurt anyone
I'm a 24 year old bicurious woman who is living with my cis-man partner who understands and is encouraging my attraction to other people that are not men. New to all of this, but would love to chat with people about this. Can't wait to meet people on here. 💖✌
2020.07.10 09:03 trumpexoticMy husband acts like a man child and it might be turning me into full blown lesbian
I am using a secondary account for this post, TL; DR at bottom. I, 30(f) and my husband - George m(38) have been married for three years. We are child free by choice and have two cats and a dog that we consider our children. For the most part our relationship is pretty drama free, very little fighting - discussing our feelings and pretty solid conflict resolution dynamic. We love each other and I feel like we have a pretty solid relationship. That being said - lately I’ve have been feeling/noticing that George is INCREDIBLY lazy. I feel like he NEVER does anything correctly and a lot of the time it feels like it’s on purpose even though I doubt that it is. I grew up with very Type A and authoritarian parents who were very particular about cleaning and so I really try to check myself and make sure than I do not have unrealistic standards. I have gone back and forth with it and I really don’t think I’m the problem here. When George and I met in our twenties - I was pretty impressed with him - he had a very cool and interesting career and was very successful. He had his own place with no roommates (at the time everyone else I knew had Roomate’s) and seemed like a grown ass man who took care of himself. Once we started getting serious I noticed that he wouldn’t clean certain things well and had low standards for most things - cooking, cleanliness (I am talking about germs not clutter) sense of style, etc. and I foolishly thought “I can fix that”. Point is, George is an incredibly competent guy and is incredibly successful but uses zero% of that intellect and motivation to improve our day to day life at home. He refuses to learn where things go in the kitchen and is constantly asking or will leave them out on the counter after unloading the dishes. He puts obviously dirty dishes away, it seems like his hands always have some kind of substance on them so he leaves thick greasy fingerprints on EVERYTHING! I am talking, handprints on the wall, shit caked on to the cupboard doors/handles and even the sink faucet and any kind of cooking utensils he is using to cook or eat with. He will make mashed potatoes and instead of rinsing his hands - he will continue to utilize the kitchen whilst spreading potato’s onto everything. It drives me insane and also is disgusting. He just can’t be bothered to wash his hands. He also has zero food safety awareness or general regard, so this means he will grab chicken out and cut it and do the same thing (especially if I’m not watching). I literally couldn’t have told him or reminded him about food safety measures more times than I already have. As such, I’m addition to also being a lazy cook - I prefer to do most of the cooking myself. He frequently puts other things away in the house incorrectly or half asses it when he does. If he is folding the sheets after doing laundry he will ball them up and toss them onto the shelf, if he cleans the bathroom I have to re-clean it. I can’t think of a single household task that I feel like he does 100% - even down the the way he prepares the dog and cats food (they are on special diets) It seems like he never puts effort into any of these things, even though I know he is fully capable. When I bring things like this up and how much they bother me, he says that he is trying really hard to do things the way I like and that he is incredibly stressed while doing them as to not “mess it up”. But I think he’s gaslighting me and I just recently called him out on it. All in all, he acts like a man child - but the worst is in the bedroom. He is just as lazy there. He will go down on me and engage in foreplay but it’s just lazy and honestly, bad. Somehow after being with each other for 6 years he still can’t figure out what angle to stick his finger into my vagina at so that it is not uncomfortable. I have told him and guided him SO MANY TIMES and it just doesn’t stick. I remember learning how to give a good blow job, it wasn’t that hard so I don’t understand why he can’t figure it out. I’ve always been bicurious and I have been with women - I’d probably consider myself at least bisexual. But lately I have been feeling exasperated with my life. I find myself wondering why I didn’t marry a woman, someone who wants to watch rom coms, cook a well thought out and executed meal, organize the bathroom and refrigerator and KEEP it organized - a woman who knows what angle a finger should go in a vagina. A woman who puts as much effort into making things nice as I do - someone to share the emotional burden with me. Lately I have been feeling like I made a mistake and that I’ve been a closeted lesbian my entire life and the feeling that “this is my life now, forever” has started to eat away at me. Can I really handle mashed potatoes caked onto the microwave handle for the rest of my life?? I have talked to George about these things, I’ve responded positively when he makes a step in the right direction. I’ve discussed how I feel like I am “managing the house” and the emotional burden of it falls to me. I’ve told him I’m tired and feel exhausted by it and that I want an equal partner. He seems to listen and he has gotten a little bit better but when will it really every change? This makes George sound terrible and he really is not, he is well-spoken and kind, he is always a good friend and takes care of people in his circle. He is level headed, trustworthy and has integrity, but this stuff is really getting to me. Any advice is appreciated, because I’m at a loss. TL; DR: My husband is lazy around the house and in bed and I might want a woman sticking her fingers in my vagina instead.
2020.07.05 10:39 Switchsub84First cuckolding now bi-curious-now my head is spinning!
Hello, first time posting! I’ve (36f) have been with my partner (38m) for 8 years and about a year ago he told me about fantasy of being cuckolded and that he wants me to be the dominant one in bed sometimes. We’ve been somewhat is dominant/submissive play over the years but never me. At first, I said no to be being with anyone else and he was fine but after digging in and researching I quickly became into the idea but finding someone has been impossible which is fine. During this time, we’ve continued to share our fantasies, I’ve been exploring my domme side and now he shared that he might be more bicurious than he let on originally. The two examples he gave me were him domming another male with me and while I’m with another male him having to interact sexually with him. My head is struggling with this one because I’m wildly jealous but always want him to have his fantasies met. How do other couples navigate difficult subjects like this? Thanks!!
2020.06.27 19:43 jc180817UPDATE: How to explore my sexuality??
So yesterday I (M19) asked what people thought I should do giving I'm ever more bi curious but in a commited relationship, I copied and pasted my original below cos I don't really know how to link previous posts in Reddit lmao. Last night I talked to my partner (f21) about how I felt and she was actually surprisingly accepting after a while. She's always said she's bi too, although never had any experiences with girls beyond kissing. We both agreed that we're in the relationship for the long haul but don't want each other to miss out on experiences with the same sex so have agreed we can both play away from each other at times :) Honestly so happy that I'll finally be able to explore my bi side with support from my SO, we've had 3 ideas of how to do it so far, either we both go to a gay bar (fairly big gay scene where we live) and she picks up a girl and I pick up a guy and go home with them which would be fun and spontaneous although I've never got with guys in clubs before haha, option 2 is I use Grindr to find cute guys and meet them, letting her know I'm going beforehand, final and most ideal option is finding a couple in the same position as us and we can play with them although I think this is unlikely given my taste in guys is quite specific (twinky and clean cut if I'm topping or muscular and older if I'm bottoming) I'm really here to ask what people would advise and any tips for someone who's never had sex or done anything with a guy before. Any advice or questions are appreciated :) My previous post from yesterday: So over the last year or two I (M19) have increasingly had thoughts about what it would be like to fool around with a guy and think I need to accept that I'm at least bicurious/hetroflexible. Only problem with this is that I currently have a girlfriend (f21) who I still love dearly. The thoughts I've had have always been about purely sexual acts and I don't think I could ever be 'in love' with a man (unless this is just my own internalised homophobia?). My point is I don't think I'd like to go forever without having some experiences with other men but at the same time I don't want to lose my girlfriend forever. I've tried to talk to her about it before and she always seems unsure because me being with another man would make me 'not masculine' whatever that means, which I think is a tad unfair given I've encouraged her to explore with other women. So basically I'm asking what people think I should do or anyone who's been in this position before, I'd be really upset if we broke up but wondering if I should go down the path of pursuading her to let me explore a bit or just go for it anyway and keep it secret (I don't think this would be too hard) Thanks for any responses and ask if you need anymore details :)
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